Wendell Fields is a man that fears God, Father, Mental Health Advocate, and Speaker. He is passionate about helping others find their truth and live meaningful lives. Wendell’s journey includes overcoming a failed marriage, failed ministry, attention-seeking behaviors, and attempting to take his life by getting hit by a train while driving. As a child, Wendell grew up in a home where both parents worked in the healthcare field. With his mother diagnosed with bipolar disorder at an early age and a suicide attempt by a relative, his parents would ask him how he was doing regarding his mental health and if he had thoughts or feelings of suicide. Because of the stigma and shame, he denied having mental and emotional health problems.
This feeling of shame impacted Wendell into his adulthood. He shares that it caused him to fear socializing with others and dismiss thoughts or feelings that would make him feel or think that he’s weak. He questioned what manhood is (the characteristics that make a man, a man), which caused him to hate himself when he felt he didn’t measure up to societal norms. When it comes to men voicing their pain, Wendell shares that many struggles occur. “The perception of what a man looks like in others’ eyes. He doesn’t want to be looked upon as inferior, weak, or frail. He wants to have a look and feel of stableness when situations occur; always conveying that he is not easily disturbed, emotionally unhinged, and cognitively solid. To do so differently would put into question his accountability, reliability, and dependability. He must show that he is an objective person who is calm, cool, and collected. Society is expecting the man to have these qualities and strengths.” He continues, “That husband, father, church leader, business leader, and community advocate are required to have such characteristics, or they are no good for anyone.” Wendell continues the conversation by adding, “If a man is unable to cultivate and strengthen his ability to express and communicate his feelings or emotions in healthy ways, the man will forever be the chained-up elephant at the circus. Even when the chain is not present, it has been programmed not to leave the perimeter of how far the chain will let it roam about. Therefore, this struggle begins when men are young. Until the man gains an understanding about what it means to be a man, we will continue to roam the earth searching for identity and meaning.”
Recently Wendell participated in the anthology, “There’s No Health without Mental Health Anthology: Men & Mental Health…Let’s Talk About IT”, where Venessa Abrams is the visionary.
“I want others to know that help is out there and that you can strengthen your sense of purpose and well-being.” Wendell’s chapter shares his mental health journey and five simple steps that help him stay on top of his game and plow seeds of success and hope. He wants his testimony to let people know that they choose how they want to live. “You can connect the dots of experience and grow upwards or refuse to connect the dots and fall into the deep downward spiral of despair and drown in its grasp forever and die. You are created for more!”
As Wendell continues to help others, he shares he’s been on multiple shows, panels, and a documentary/film with Kevin Hines called Suicide: The Ripple Effect available on iTunes, YouTube, Google Play Movies & TV, Amazon Prime Video, and Vudu. The film shares the effects of suicide and brings awareness to the steps one can take to help someone with thoughts and feelings of suicide. Wendell is also a Certified Question, Persuade, and Refer (QPR) Instructor that assists with training others on the skills to help a person with suicidal thoughts and feelings. He also plans to help further the mission of SDP3 by assisting and participating in events that raise awareness on mental illness, bullying, and suicide, which helps stop the stigma around these important issues. Wendell holds on to the principal taught by his mother, “You are more than your mental health condition.” “My mother showed me this by becoming a nurse practitioner and working to serve our military Veterans. She had the brains, skills, and talents of a doctor who love to help people feel and get well. I might not have a doctorate degree, but I do my part to help people get better and feel better.”
Insert From Book:
“THE MARK“
Nickelodeon’s Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005) Animation: Season 2, Episode 18 “The Guru/The Crossroads of Destiny” – Zuko’s quote- “I used to think this scar marked me. The mark of the banished prince, cursed to chase… But lately, I have realized I am free to determine my own destiny, even if I’ll never be free of my mark.”
This quote says it all for me, Wendell Fields. This “mark” has cost me so many things. This mark has caused isolation, fear, anger, self-loathing, amongst many other issues. As I researched definitions for the word “mark”, I discovered that it is defined as a small area on a surface having a different color from its surroundings, typically one caused by accident or damage. Another definition states a line, figure, or symbol made as an indication or record of something. When referred to as action verb, it states to make a visible impression or stain on. It is to write a word or symbol on (an object) typically for identification. These definitions come from the Oxford Dictionary. When I researched synonyms, I discovered these words: something is wrong, blemish, smear, smudge, dirty, blotch. Feelings and thoughts of being “less than” crept up or that something was wrong with me, I am different, or I am not like others. I am not normal became cemented in my soul.
Do these feelings and thoughts come to mind when you hear the word diagnosis? Or, what about when you hear the words, “You have this disease, illness, or health condition?” Honestly, I did not know what the word stigma meant; however, I discovered its’ meaning by observing how people would treat others with a “diagnosis.” I was associated with the outcasts… the “something is wrong with you, you are less than, I am superior than you, you don’t fit in our circle” individuals. Being an individual bearing this “mark” of mental illness, i.e. depression, I experienced a battle of the mind, body, spirit, and soul. Because of this “mark”, I have lost much, ranging from unaccomplished dreams and goals, a failed marriage, failed ministry, to some form of addiction i.e. food, sex, or even attention getting behaviors. I found myself attempting to take my life via getting hit by a train while driving. All of this because of my unresolved fear of being viewed as a “mark.” But you know what, SO WHAT! As the quote says, “I have realized I am free to determine my own destiny, even if I’ll never be free of my mark.” In the words that emerge from reading this chapter of the book, you will discover how this 2 lbs. 10 oz baby boy would come to encourage, empower, and gain hope and freedom from the stigma, the naysayers…from those that would demonize, and those who would devalue a person with a disability or shortcoming of any kind.
