Just the other day, a story that turned out to be fake was doing rounds on social media. According to the story, a Connecticut man had faked deafness for 62 years to avoid talking to his wife. Even though this was a fabricated story, it still reveals one of man’s greatest struggles when relating to their spouses – communication. Here are some of the reasons why we struggle with communication with the opposite sex.
Men speak the language of logic
Women are bilingual in nature because they communicate with emotion and logic. Men, on the other hand, communicate primarily by logic. This is one of the causes of communication breakdowns in marriages today. When a woman talks to her spouse, she expects the man to respond emotionally. However, the man often goes to the default settings and responds in a logical way. For instance, if a woman came complaining about how terrible her job is, the man will most likely respond by asking her to quit. To him, that is the logical thing to do. Meanwhile, the woman was not expecting such a response. She wanted an emotional response that shows some empathy, like telling her how proud you are of her that she is holding up just fine in such a hostile environment. The same is the case when a man speaks to the spouse. Men are wired to look for logic in every communication and they, therefore, expect their spouse to respond with a logical answer. However, the woman will give them an emotional response and the men often don’t know how to deal with it.
Men are raised to focus on the thinking side of the brain
Society expects men to be problem solvers and that is okay because that is how God created them. As a result, men are often encouraged through their upbringing to focus on the left side of their brain – the thinking side. In most societies, men are encouraged to express anger and frustrations, but they are discouraged from displaying what is considered “weaker emotions” like fear, loneliness, etc. The overemphasis on strength and courage helps men to step up as providers and protectors of their families which is fine. However, it also has the undesired effect of making it hard for men to connect with their spouses on an emotional level. When dating, the sensual side of the brain is usually activated in men because they are in pursuit of the woman. Unfortunately, this sensual side is often deactivated after marriage, and this is where the rain begins beating most married men.
The men’s default logical approach to issues is what makes them high-flyers in their careers. This is one of the reasons why most CEOs, CFOs, and company directors are men. However, using the logical approach only works in career and business but it can spell doom in a marriage. The fact that you responded to your spouse emotionally when dating is proof that you’ve got it in you. You just need to reactivate the right side of your brain again and it will be easy to communicate to your spouse in a language they understand.